Mending Fences ...

A few weeks ago I wrote a little posting about my old friend, Michael, and our lost friendship. It was a good feeling to reestablish that friendship after a long absence, but it also feels good to begin mending fences on several sides of this little plot of farmland I call my life.

Another old friend, Ozzie, is now part of that mending process. Soon after the first fence was repaired and new foundations were poured to hopefully ensure a strong friendship for years to come, the old posts and rails of an aging fence rotted with bad feelings and resentment were torn down to make way for yet another newer and stronger fence.

He texted me out of the blue and we scheduled a dinner date together. When we met up on an extremely hot June afternoon we gave each other a strong hug and began tearing down the old fence with a few apologies over past encounters. Just like any large scale remodeling project, it was awkward in trying to figure out where to begin, but we soon got the hang of it as we walked the heated streets to find a place that didn't have its windows thrown open to the hot exhaust fumes of the afternoon rushhour.

We finally settled on Garcas Trading Company, a wine & cheese bar with a nice selection of dinner entrees. We shared a bottle of wine, some cheese samples and a nice chicken entree, all the while trying to catch up on the past three years that had been lost. Both some good and bad things had happened in both our lives, but it seemed that my side of the conversation always travelled back to the negative aspects of my life. That only made me drink a little more and worked in loosening up for a more comfortable conversation as we headed to our next destination.

We headed off to Stir, formerly The Post Bar (full circle, considering that this blog was originally intended to be about the Post and the 2 people who urged me in taking on the blog in the first place are the 2 friend whom I have been writing about in recent weeks). We both had some heavy duty fruity drinks that seemed to be filled with alcohol. After 2 of those and then working on a beer, the conversation reverted back to the days of The Post and we shared stories and laughs of the people and events that still echoed within the now refurbished bar.

Another fence-mending project has begun. I feel that the materials and workmanship going into this project are just as strong as the my previous fence-mending project. Three years have passed since the fence collapsed and lay untouched. Now, with experience and history to guide us, I'm confident that all fences will be stronger than before and will last for years to come.

Kindered Wine and Spirits ...

Back in 2000, I started talking to a guy in a bar sitting next to me. It was just simple small talk, but then we were both quickly caught up on the Timmy/Jimmy fight on South Park. Being the only ones in the entire bar laughing our asses off, a friendship quickly formed.

This friendship lasted 7 years and then was quickly abollished for reasons no longer important.

A few months ago, I found myself saddled up to another bar watching another tv screen and discover this same guy sitting next to me. So many things have changed over the last 3 years of our banished friendship, yet so many things were left unaltered. After a brief and awkward bout of apologies and regrets, the laughing and joking started up again.

We've met up a few times since and it's good to feel that old friendship reshaping itself.

Last night we pounded back a few drinks, shared more than enough hardy laughs and walked home together. We stopped in his place, sat and talked a bit more in the back garden, had another beer and I headed on my way.

It feels good to have my friend back...

Building Back the Walls ...

It's been 9 months since posting on here and, looking back on my last couple of entries, it seems like a lifetime...

Please ignore the last 2 postings. That relationship is over.

We're trying to remain friends...

It's hard...

Trust is a terrible thing to lose, but when it's taken away, it's like removing one's spine and you're left with nowhere to turn without falling completely in on yourself.

The walls were up before this past relationship and the walls will go back up again. It's so much easier to keep people at bay than it is to wear your heart on your sleeve and jump into a scolding hot copper pot filled with mistrust and betrayal like ingredients to a bad stew.

The last eight months were not as bad as that last paragraph may have lead. It was just a one-sided relationship and apparently I was on the wrong side.

Who knows if I'll ever meet someone again. I never really thought I'd meet this person and I did. I still remember that very first meeting like it was yesterday. I played hard to get that night.

I sometimes wish I had only played harder...

Could This be "it"? (part 2) ...

Lightning flashing...

Thunder rumbling...

Rain pouring...

We stood under a large umbrella trying to stay as dry as possible, but the wind driven rain soaked us anyway. We stood close, arms wrapped around each other, gazing deep into each other's eyes. Traffic raced by, splashing puddles up onto the sidewalk and our feet, but that didn't matter. We embrased and shared a long passionate kiss beneith the canvas that sheltered us.

After a few minutes we headed back inside, the air conditioning breathed an icy cold blast onto us and he immediately began to shiver. His drink was almost spilling over the rim of the glass and he looked up at me with wide puppydog eyes as his body continued to shake more aggressively from his wet shirt and the cold air.

In the middle of the room, surrounded by diners and drinkers, we were alone. I took the glass from him and set it down, wrapped my arms tightly around him and pulled him close. I rubbed his back and nuzzled my face in his neck, not letting go until his shivering passed.

It felt so good...

Could This be "It"? ...

He sits across from me, a single flame from a tea light candle dances in his eyes as he stares across the small table at me. The remnants of a delicious dinner still occupy the tabletop between us as a warm breeze from a fan in the corner carries with it the sounds of soft piano music drifting out of the CD player. The warm summer night is still thick with a nearly oppressive humidity seeming to make the world move in a sluggishly slow motion, but within the walls of the enclosed porch my heart races, filled with a joy that I can't remember last feeling, if at all. I reach across the table and place my hand on his, delicately running the tips of my fingers across the back of his hand. I stare through the flickering candlelight and into his deep penetrating eyes. He smiles at me; a smile that is warm and genuine and kind and caring. His eyes dance in the candlelight and I can't pull my own gaze away. He did so much in making this night just right and it was really just a last minute plan to have a light dinner together. But here we are with candles, soft music, deliciously prepared food and holding each other's hand across a small table on his front porch. Everything feels so right, but then again everything has felt right with him almost since the first minute we ever started talking.

Could this be "it"?

It scares the crap out of me to be honest. After being burned, abused, hurt and betrayed several times over, it has taken many years and many layers to build the fortress around my head and heart that has kept me from getting too close to anyone. As much as it pained me to realize, I unwittingly accepted my own fate of living and dying alone, unwilling to love or be loved. It had taken me years to construct the walls that protected me along with the vault I held deep inside to lock away my emotions. But like so many Greek or Roman temples whose walls crumbled by fire or quake or war, nothing was indestructible and I am finding that my own little fortress is slowly breaking away.

It's only been a few short weeks, but the time we spend together is like nothing I've ever experienced, and the time apart is filled with a longing to be with him. He makes me smile and laugh. He makes me feel warm and wanted. He opens my heart and my mind. We could talk on the phone for hours or simply sit side by side and stare out into the night in silence. My eyes light up when I see him and they remain so long after we say our good-nights. I can be honest with him without fear of being judged and he can be honest with me without having judgement placed.

Everything seems so right.

And I ask again: could this be "it"?

For our own set of reasons, we both agreed to take things very slow, to move forward day by day.

On the surface, it's logical...

Down below, it's sensible...

Deep within my heart, impossible...

Could this be "it"?

The Crying Game ...

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A Print-ad of the Past ...

Some Pictures ...

Just a couple of pictures from walking around the city this past Saturday.

Up up and away ...
The Comcast Center.

Reflections ...
The Comcast Center
The Bell Atlantic Tower
Liberty One















The Comcast Center Plaza ...
Designed by the same team who created the fountain pool infront of the Bellagio in Vegas.






















C-Rex ...
I have mentioned my cat, C-Rex and his "love affair" with a stuffed rat many times. The rat was given to me/him by a long-time friend (who is apparantly no longer allowed to speak to me). C-Rex carries this rodent around the house and often props it up next to his food dish while he eats.