Life in a Nuthouse is a thing of the past, both figuratively and literally. The original name of this blog was to establish the ups and downs, comings and goings and ins and outs behind the walls that was The Post Bar. But the bar is all but completely gone. It is officially under new ownership and, although no one knows exactly when, it will close, be remodeled and re-open sometime in the future. It won't be the same and who knows if the old crowd will return or whether it will have the same sorted drunken drama as it did over the last several years, but it is no longer a "nuthouse" as my blog title once stated.
I have also removed the sub-heading of this blog because I think it's about time that I, along with the Post, need improvements, changes and a fresh start. No longer will my heading read bitter and middle aged. I'm 40 years old and it's time I reevaluate my life and my attitude. I have tried to rid myself of my bitter attitude in the past, but I have jokingly been labeled that for more than five years now and it's time for it to end. I don't like being told that my bitterness is why people like me or people I just meet already know me as bitter before even getting to KNOW me. It's going to be hard and it'll probably take a long time, but the last thing I would want to be remembered for was the fact that I spent my entire adult life seemingly resentful of all those around me.
I figured the best way to start down this new path was to make three changes in my life; three large changes that will ultimately improve my life and make the transition alittle easier...eventually. I have the dates set up and recorded on my calendar and there's no erasing them.
I will not announce these dates to anyone. They will be my own personal goals and start times. My self-esteem is low and always has been. The last thing I would want is to announce my dates to my friends (or in this case the entire cyberworld) and then either a: fail, or b: not start at all. I will be hard enough on myself if failure should occur and really do not need those around me to remind me that I have failed, or to show disappointment in my failure. I will say this though: 2 of the 3 goals are right around the corner.
So now the actual goals:
* First: Quit smoking
* Second: Get back to the gym on a regular basis (after re-joining). Included in goal number 2 will be to re-evaluate my eating habits as well. Something I've never looked at.
* Third: Get entirely out of debt.
This part, although there are thousands of people who are worse off than myself, seems to be the toughest hurdle. I've always had a roommate or housemate up until about 3 or 4 years ago. And at that time, when I started living by myself, I was at one of the lowest points of my life and I really didn't give a rat's ass about anything, myself included. Truly, the only reason I'm alive today and writing is that I have seen what suicide had done to my family in the past and I didn't want that to happen again. So, instead, I planted a fake smile on my face and perservered. It's not that I'm thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars in debt. In fact, I'm far from it. It just seems that, just when I think I'm gaining the upper hand, something falls apart. So, with each paycheck, more and more money winds up being spread thinner and thinner. Now, at work, sales are way down across the board (but it seems like there's an upsurge once again). However, due to my pay structure, it looks like it will be a couple to several more months before I'm ahead of the game again.
So there you have it; my three life altering goals. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it...along with your support (my friends), maybe some guidance or suggestions when needed and, most importantly, understanding. There may be times when I will not be joining in in any of the reindeer games simply because the funds aren't there. Just understand and accept.
And by the way, there are some people out there (y'all know who you are) who have been an ear to talk to and I have gone after it like a hungry pitbull at times. I thank you and appreciate your allowing my rants.
Speaking of rants...
About this blog. As a sidebar sort of a goal, I am going to try to get back on this thing and keep it up to date. It may be rantings. It may be updates on the progress with my goals. It may be nothing more than talking about what mundane things I did that day or week.
I guess that's it for now. I'll be in touch!
Thanks!
Chris
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