Extreme Makeover ...

In an attempt to create a new image for me in my new job, "O" has taken it upon himself to become my fasion consultant. He's shown tremendous excitement in this new venture, and I'm beginning to believe that he's taking this task as a more personal goal in making a flannel, t-shirt, jeans, and boot-wearing guy into something right out of the pages of GQ (or at least a Walmart Sunday supplement).

It started with the haircut...

For so many years, I had taken it upon myself to cut my own hair. I'm not one for the latest styles, so I never really thought twice about putting clippers to my head and just having done with it in a matter of a few minutes. But I had stopped cutting my hair a few months back and began letting it grow again. After about eight or nine years of having a buzz cut, I was shocked at how much grey had crept up on me in my thirties. I have seen some of O's styling triumphs and I know that he's good at what he does, so I decided to let him near me with a pair of scissors. I was pleasantly surprised at how my hair had turned out and even more surprised at the positive comments I received immediately afterward (right about now, O is probably screaming "See? I told you so!").

Next came the new clothes...

We took a trip to Lord & Taylor, where O directed me to the rows and rows of shirts. "Try this," He says, putting a shirt up to my chest. Before I can even imagine what it would look like on me, he pulls it away. "No good. Here, try this."

I groan as I pull out my credit card to pay for the shirts we've selected. O laughs, saying "What kind of a gay man are you?"

"The kind that hates to shop," is my reply.

"Well we're gonna have to change that. Stick with me!"

GROAN!

We move on to Banana Replubic. They're having an End of the Season, 70% off sale. My palms are sweating as we travel through the store towards the men's department. I pick a pair of pants to show him. He looks at the pants and then at me. "Ummm...no." He picks out a pair for me to try on. I head off towards the dressing room, but stop when I hear him call to me. He's holding up a shirt. "This'll go great with those pants."

"But I already bought some shirts"

"But not for those pants."

"But I haven't bought these pants."

"You will..."

GROAN!

"Go try 'em on. I'll get a clerk to check the price on the shirt."

I'm in the dressing room trying on the pants. I have to admit, they did fit well and I liked them alot. Maybe I'll just get the pants and be out of there real quick. But I hear the clerk approaching. He tells O the price.

Great price on the shirt.

From inside the dressing room, I let out a heavy, slightly louder than intended...

GROOOAAAAAN!...

"Is he okay in there?" The clerk asks.

"Shopping shock." O's reply.

I pay for the clothes and am suddenly in need of a drink.

Yesterday, me, O and M go to the Philadelphia Home Show at the Pennsylvania Convention Center. We walk through Lord & Taylor on our trek across town. I admitted that I needed a new pair of shoes and wanted to look and see what they had. When we arrived at the convention center, I didn't have new shoes. I did, however, have a new Kenneth Cole sport jacket and a DKNY sweater. We were early for the Home Show, so we continued shopping for shoes. I didn't find anything I liked, but did see a pair back at Lord & Taylor that I almost bought. I announced the need for a return trip after the Home Show.

I bought the shoes (a nice brown pair of Kenneth Cole's) and suddenly fealt that burning need for a drink again. M laughs at my buyer's remorse as we make our way through the men's cologne department.

"Ooooh..." M exclaims. "We need to find you a new scent."

"I don't wear cologne." I announce.

M looks at me, a curl growing on his upper lip, a disgusted look in his eyes. "We know..." he whispers.

GROOOOAAN!!