Loyalty or Stupidity ...

I have oftentimes talked about my local watering hole in my rants here, but I'm beginning to question my sanity. It's an old run down place, large as far as neighborhood dives go. I've often stated, the people are fun and the drinks are strong. I've met some great people there and have developed some long lasting friendships.

But where does one draw the line between good friends and strong drinks and sitting in a place that would make the Board of Health go running into the night screaming, vowing never to return? Let me explain some of the things I'm talking about...

Let's first begin with the temperature. It's rare that you find yourself sitting in a bar in the middle of winter and suddenly find the need to run outside into the deep freeze in order to warm up. This place has its own climate. I don't know if it's the drafts that blow through, or the lack of insulation, or even the angry spirits of the many past owners who have passed on, but there are times when crystals begin forming on the rim of your glass . Thankfully, it's been a fairly mild winter so far this year, but that still doesn't account for the fact that you can literally feel the temperature drop after the sun goes down (and the place doesn't even have any windows). There have been some nights when you would walk through the front door and be amused at the sight of three or four patrons leaning in together over the bar. At first glance you would think they were in an intense whispered conversation, but then quickly realize they're all huddled over a tealight candle.

Then there are the ... ummmm ... non-paying customers. I'm talking about the hairy little four-legged rascals that became the inspiration for the world's largest themepark industry. You can always tell when one makes an appearance simply by watching the guy sitting across the bar from you. He'll be quietly sitting alone, hand lightly caressing a beer bottle, eyes casually reading the closed-captions on one of the television sets. Suddenly, he looks away, wondering if his eyes were playing tricks on him. He'll stare intently at a row of bottles and you'll watch as his eyes gradually follow something moving. Then one of two things happen, either a look of disgust registers on his face or a slight smile, as he tracks the mouse's progress. If it's a regular patron, he'll casually say something. If he's a newbie, he'll remain quiet. What's funny is that no one (new or regular) will leave the establishment. They'll continue to drink and turn back to whatever it was they were doing.

They (and I do mean 'they') have become a family within a family, making nightly appearances, showing off their tricks as they high-wire it across the rows of compression tubes or scurrying along the edge of the wall towards another section of the bar. I've had mouse problems in my house before, so they don't really annoy me any longer (besides, my cat, C-Rex, is keeping them out now), but I do only drink bottled beer fresh out of the cooler just in case.

Last night, as so often happens, I stopped in after work for a beer (or four). The afternoon was thankfully mild and the climate within the darkened walls was bearably cool. The afternoon bartender was playing Will & Grace DVDs and M&O were sitting drinking their martinis, laughing it up as Will, Grace, Jack and Karen amused them and the other patrons with their (predictable) one-liners. I said my hellos to my friends, gracing all with my warm and bubbling fucking personality, and took a seat at the bar.

I don't know how the conversation had come up, but I was soon informed that the back bar wouldn't be opened that night--ooooh....Now I remember. O had gone off to the bathroom and when he came back he made mention to the fact that someone must not have paid the electric bill, since he had to pee by candlelight. I then noticed the big orange industrial extension cord dangling from the ceiling. It turns out that, most of the front bar was being lit by the power that goes to the back bar (or some strange shit). In any event, both bars couldn't be operational at the same time because if you turned the lights on in the back, the lights in the front would go off. I seem to remember something funny like that happening last year too...something about turning on an air conditioner in one area would turn off the television in another.

The place is falling apart right around our drunken feet. It's high time I find somewhere else to hang my hat... Maybe tonight I'll think long and hard about it...

...while I sit with a beer in the cold and watch Mickey run across the compression hose...