The Shot Heard 'Round the World ...

Well, here it is; the last episode of Will and Grace.

I went to The Post tonight to watch. Actually, I had forgotten it was on and I stopped in on my way home from work and discovered the "Behind the Scenes" prelude episode on the suspended television screens, so I decided to stick around.

It seemed so appropriate to end the show with the four of them in a bar all toasting shots to their friendship and it sort of made me envious. I mean sure, it was all scripted and acted, but after watching I couldn't help feel a little pang of jealousy. Here, a show was ending that not only spanned 8 years, but catapulted you forward another twenty or so. Their lives went thier separate ways and came back full circle. It not only made me think of my small circle of friends I have now, but those from my past; those closest to me when I was growing from my pre-teens through my teens and into my young adulthood. Those people are all gone now; moved on with their lives and families; some who have kids who are (gasp) already in college. We were close and spent several evenings together wondering what the future held for us.

I often still think of myself in that time and not someone who's been on this earth for nearly forty years. I wonder where I'm going and I look back on where I've been. I look at my life as it is and realize that I really haven't accomplished anything that I had set out for myself all those years ago. It's depressing and I sometimes (more often than not) think that it's too late for me; that I'm destined to sit on a vinyl barstool whose surface is patched together with a strap of coordinating electrical tape while nursing a Coors Lite and watching the house rodents scurry along the baseboards.

I then realize that there is still so much out there to do and avenues to take. I've held an interest in writing since I was seventeen or eighteen and have written several short stories, but never had the ambition to have someone look at them and to see if they were worth pushing further. I've painted all my life and taught myself several styles and mediums, but never felt confident enough to do anything other than give them away as gifts.

I see friends of mine who are branching out into new areas; going into business for themselves or taking an existing position and turning it into something where people are actually stopping and taking notice. I see friends who, at ages older than myself right now, are setting out on new ventures and careers. I've had the moral support to do these things on my own, but not the ambition and all the lack of confidence in myself to drown any dream faster than Shelly Winters wearing ankle weights.

I just wish I knew what life had in store for me...

I wish I had writers like those of Will and Grace who had everything neatly typed out on white paper and, after all is said and done, the quick-stepping notes of an upbeat jazz piano tune will signify that yes, this is something good going on here...