Like Sand in an Hourglass ...

Someone came a-knockin for me over this past weekend. And, like a Jehovah Witness armed with meaningless pamphlets, it was a very unwelcome visitor. Time paid me a visit. And before I could even grasp what I was witnessing, it marched over me like a high school band all hyped up on Red Bull.

It was my parents' 50th wedding anniversary party.

Through the years, I have pretty much become the black sheep of my family, seeing only my parents every few weeks or so and my one brother and his family at Thanksgiving and Easter. Of the rest of my siblings (two other brothers and a sister), it has been several years since I had last seen them and even longer for some of their children.

I'm the only one in the family with no children, so I'm really not into all the birthday parties and graduation parties or any of that crap. For me, those get togethers are nothing more than a chance to see what sort of an outsider I am to the rest of the family. Sure, we all get along, but when one has a family their lives are changed forever. Me, I'm still hanging out with friends and pounding back the brews, staying out late, sleeping in late, not answering to anyone but myself. My siblings...well, their idea of a good time is an afternoon out at Chucky-Cheese (and even that tires them out enough to have to load up everyone into their mini-van and head home for a nap afterward). So outside of a bloodline and some physical characteristics, I really don't have anything in common with the rest of my family, so going to those functions had become a reminder of how detached I was from them.

But the anniversary party was different. By that I mean it was a function that I couldn't miss. Besides, it was the kids (all 5 of us) who were paying for the whole affair as a gift to our parents. The guest list included all the kids, their spouses, their kids, cousins, aunts, uncles, and a handful of friends that my parents had known for years. All tolled, there were about 60-70 people at this party (only 3 who had been invited were not able to attend). Great turnout for my parents celebration and I'm sure they were extremely happy to see everyone under one roof again.

All in all it was a good time...once I got over the shell shock of seeing those whom I haven't seen in anywhere from 10 to 20 years. And 'shock' is an understatement. Take my nephew for example:

The last time I saw him he was probably about 7 or 8 years old. I have heard stories over the years about how he has grown, but I still saw him in my mind as that 3 1/2 foot little kid with the buzz cut. The only similarity between what I had pictured in my head and what stood infront of me the other day was the buzz cut. My sister-in-law said to me: "You remember Eric, don't you? Eric, this is your Uncle Chris." Like a slow motion camera, my eyes drifted up from his size 14 sneakers to the top of his buzzed head...a full six-foot-six-inches from the hardwood floor! Eighteen years old, this kid was, and looking like something out of the WWF!!! He had graduated from high school this year and was enrolled in Temple, majoring in film. And he already has had some of his films entered into international film festivals. I didn't get a chance to really talk with him because he was very shy and pretty much hung out with his older (and much shorter) brother.

All in all, I have 12 nieces and nephews and one grand-niece who had just turned 3. My oldest nephew is going on 23 or 24. He's a bartender and plays in a band. My niece is a few years younger and is a mother, was married and already divorced and had just graduated from West Chester University, where she had majored in psychology. Another niece had come to visit me at work last year, but I was off. She had left me a note saying she had stopped by and I wondered who she was with, my brother or sister-in-law. I had a hard time accepting the fact that she was nearly 20 years old and had already been driving for 2 or 3 years. My one nephew, of whom I still have a tape that I was going to send into America's Funniest home Videos over something he had done as a baby, is now being asked by his mother about college choices. The youngest niece is about 7 now.

I was just amazed!!! Most of these "kids" are adults! They have girlfriends and boyfriends, cars, jobs, college educations. Where the hell did the time go?!?!?

Then, there were the people who wondered what I had been up to and what I was doing. How depressing was that???

Here are my nieces and nephews, some having kids of their own, all doing what they really seem to have a passion for, and here I am, in a dead-end job, no one significant in my life, trying to make ends meet. The scariest part about it is that I can't remember what was in my head when I was their age. I can't remember what my life's dreams and goals had been back when I had graduated high school and was readying myself for adulthood.

All I know is it wasn't about writing my miseries down in a blog and wondering what the fuck happened with my life.