Pain, Pain Go Away...

I need drugs!!!! Lots and lots of drugs!!!! Huey Lewis can't even begin to list the drugs I need!!!

For about three weeks now, I've been suffering from intense lower back pain. I can't even remember how it all started. Maybe it was just bad sleep and stress and poor choice in shoes, but it was awful! It went away for acouple of days and then returned with sweet revenge on Easter Sunday while I was playing with my brother's new puppy (an eight month old doberman).

The Tuesday after Easter, I had a trial run at a new job that could've promised me a shitload of money while being able to work a mere few blocks from my house. It involved alot of computer work and lifting and running around the three-story building, but I managed to eek out a nine hour day and was paid handsomely for time. I was supposed to go back the following Thursday (my next day off From Kinkade), but was unable to sleep due to my back pain. When I went into my normal job on Wednesday, I had slept maybe two hours that night and my back was so bad all I wanted to do was cry.

Another painful night on Wednesday and now, ontop of everything else, I tossed and turned (painfully) thinking about this new job. The guy who was going to hire me was a complete nutcase and his mind continuously ran in ten different directions. I would be comfortable walking into a new situation with a game plan some sort of guidance, but here I walk in and the guy just says "This needs to be done" talking about something I never even heard of and, instead of explaining how or why, he would be off somewhere else after just saying to do it. My back was giving me so much agony that, not only did I have another sleepless night, but I couldn't even find a comfortable position in which to lie without feel like I was lying ontop of broken pieces of glass and chipped cement blocks.

Come Thursday morning, I sat watching the clock move closer to the hour in which I had to leave for this job. Back pain, sleepless nights and, if I went in, not another day off for another five or six days (I was doing this new job on the days off of my other job). I knew I was making a bad choice and I was lying to myself and others about my decision. But by this time I had completely forgotten what it was like to be pain-free. All I wanted to do was have a drink to sort of ease the agony in my back (and it was 9:00am!!). Aspirin wasn't working, hot/cold creams weren't working, stretching in the hopes of either pulling my back free from it's grip or paralizing myself wasn't working.

I decided to take the day for myself, to not go into this new job. Somewhere during my second cup of coffee, I had also lost my balls somewhere in the kitchen because I never called this guy to tell him what was up. I just stayed on the couch for most of the morning and wallowed in self-pity, kicking myself over and over again (mentally, since lifting my legs any amount meant excruciating pain).

My friends all supported my decision, but I sensed disappointment in them. They all knew how burned out I was from my current job and my two hour commute to and from it. But they supported me, which was a good thing, because I was feeling like an absolute failure.

Even now, three and a half weeks later, I'm kicking myself. The way I look at it, I would've been OUT of King of Prussia by now, stressed in a new job, but making a nice hefty piece of change. And I guess part of the reason I'm still kicking myself is because I'm back to having sleepless nights again.

At some point during the last week or so my back pain suddenly vanished...until yesterday. All it took was a simple movement of bending to retrieve my shoe and BAM! Like being hit by a bullet to the back, I dropped to my knees. What made things worse was that yesterday I had to work a twelve-hour day. There was nothing I could do to get comfortable. Sitting was painful, but getting up from my chair was worse. Walking was awful, but standing still wasn't any better. By the time I finally made it back into the city last night, I made a beeline to The Post for a drink (or two or three). J.C. asked how my day was and all it took for him to understand was a look. Before I knew it, there was a shot infront of me along with my beer.

Good boy....

Today, the pain is still there, but luckily not as severe. It's more like a vice grip wound tightly enough to let me know that, whenever it wants, it can just turn the crank once more and bring me to my knees. I've been in a severe funk the last couple of weeks, both from wondering if I made a bad career choice and the pain in my back and I want to apologize to all those I've been a bitch to. I've been waiting for a number for an apparently amazing accupuncturist in Center City. Nothing else has worked, I may as well try a 5,000 year old technique.

It really sucks to get old... especially when I'm still in my twenties in my head. I guess this is Life's little way of telling me to snap out of it!