A Strange Coincidence ...

I had a dream about him last night. I haven't had a dream about him since the one last April when I dreamed he was in trouble and needed me (only to later find out he tried to commit suicide while coming down from a high on crystal meth).

In last night's dream, I don't remember if he had called me or if I ran into him on the street, but we were in his apartment. I was sitting at the foot of his bed trying to avoid the mound of laundry piled ontop of the mattress while he sorted and folded. There was some small talk going on and I felt that he had never left the city as was his announcement last August, but I kept my mouth shut with the questions and continued with meaningless chatter until the appropriate time came. At one point (whether brought about by me or him, I can't remember) he mentioned "coming back" in a roundabout reference to him having left, but only recently returning. I thought this strange, considering we were still in the same apartment and nothing had changed, but again I didn't say anything about it.

Then, to my surprise, he came up behind me, wrapped his arms gently around my shoulders, and whispered: "I'm sorry for everything I had put you through."

Me being me (just one more indication that The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes" is my theme song), I shrugged off the apology with: "That's okay. I'm over it." Even though I knew I still resented it (no so much hurt by it anymore) deep down inside, I wasn't going to let him know that.

I awoke from my sleep soon after. And I felt strangely at peace with myself. Maybe that was my subconscious telling me to get past it (even though I feel I have moved on consciously).

But the coincidence was still to come...

This morning, on my way to work, I continued to read the book Michael gave me. The chapter I started was titled: Recovering a Sense of Identity. It talked about "poisonous playmates" - those who aren't supportive of your journey (like drinking buddies of a recovering alcoholic) and self abuse (downplaying your own abilities). But the thing that stood out most was a section called "Crazymakers". These are people who's lives are so disrupted that the suck the energy out of those around them and feed (most often negatively) off of the attention of their friends, lovers or family to meet their own needs. Just to add a couple of descriptive quotes from the book:

*They are often charismatic, frequently charming, highly inventive, and powerfully persuasive.
*They are the kind of people who can take over your whole life.
*Everyone around them is a supporting cast, picking up their cues, their entrances and exits, from the crazymaker's whims.
*They break deals and destroy schedules
*They expect special treatment
*They discount your reality
*They spend your time and money
*They are expert blamers
*they hate schedules--except their own

These are a few of the several characteristics of this "crazymaker" this author writes about. And this is exactly what my friend was to me. Countless times, he would call, wanting to do something. I would drop whatever it was I was doing and head on over, only to sit in his apartment while he smoked his crystal and bounced off the walls. Ultimately, more often than not, the plan on "doing something" was simply sitting there and watching him deteriorate. I've gotten calls at 4 in the morning where he was crying and feeling all alone. I would cancel plans with other friends the second he would call.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not dwelling on the past or reinventing lost feelings and emotions. I am beyond that drama now. I just found it strange to dream about him actually apologizing to me for what he put me through and then opening up a self-help book and actually reading about him.

This book is more than getting reacquainted with your creative side. It really goes much deeper and, although I'm only in the first couple of chapters (my plan is to read the whole book, then go back and read it again and begin the exercises explained throughout), I highly recommend it to anyone out there who feels they can do better in whatever it is they want.