Well... There's one less crack-ho walking the street right now.
Tuesday night, after another 12-hour day, I decided to stop in at The Post for a drink (or two). Nothing exceptional happening there and I wanted to get an early start the next morning on some projects around the house I had been putting off, so I decided to head home. It was around midnight and the night was warm and still humid. The walk home was uneventful until I nearly reached my street.
As I crossed South Street, I noticed one police car after another (4 total) slowly pull out of my street (the wrong way) and onto 19th. One car pulled to a stop while the other slowly made their way to the next intersection and then headed off in their own directions. As I approached my street, I was looking at the police car that had pulled over and suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a skinny black woman crouched down between two parked cars I was passing. Her back was to me so, even though my footfalls weren't exactly silent, she took no notice of me passing behind her. She was mumbling something, but I couldn't quite figure out what she was saying. I stood there watching her for a moment and wondered just what the hell had transpired over the last thirty minutes or so to have four cop cars and a crouching and obviously intoxicated woman hiding behind a couple of parked cars.
I decided to head over to the parked police car and ask the cop if they were looking for someone. I approached the car slowly, stealing glances behind me to see what the woman was doing. Then I noticed her getting up from behind the car, still jabbering on about something or other, and she started walking towards me. I decided to leave well enough alone and I turned back towards my street. As our paths crossed, the girl, dark black skin, skinny enough to have to tie to a tree in a windstorm, tight jeans and a slutty looking shirt, stopped and asked me for a cigarette. Or rather: "Heymanyagottasmokefrmeeee."
"Hell, no." I replied harshly and kept on walking. She didn't say anything, but walked (or rather staggered) right on past the cop car and down to the corner where she stopped and started talking to a couple of guys sitting at the stop sign on their bicycles. I turned down my street, headed for my house and pretty much forgot about what had just happened (which was basically nothing).
I went up to my bedroom, turned on the air conditioner and then went back down into the livingroom and watched some tv while my bedroom cooled down. About one in the morning, I turned off the tv and lights and headed upstairs for bed.
(sidebar:) Across the street from me lives an older black man. In reality, he's probably not much older than me, but he's an obvious alcoholic who spends all of his daylight hours drinking at the corner bar. Many times, I have witnessed him stagger down the street and fight desperately to try and get his key into the lock of his front door. In fact, one time, a few years ago, I was just leaving my house and I saw him trying to get into his. He was so drunk that he just simply fell backwards off of his stoop and landed on the top of his head on the sidewalk. I ran over to him (thinking he had actually died infront of me). Blood was spilling from his head, but he was at least managing to pull himself up into a sitting position. He was obviously so far gone that he didn't even know what had just happened to him.
Anyway, long story short, there's a small group of people who continuously bang on his door and shout out his name at all hours of the day or night. It gets to be very annoying when he ignores their shouts and pounding and they remain there for 10, 15 or 30 minutes, completely oblivious to the noise they're making for the rest of the street.
So anyway, I'm upstairs, the air conditioner's on and the television is showing me some adult oriented cartoon (Adult Swim on Nick at Night - great tv!). It was about 1am when the banging started on the door across the street, followed by a woman's voice shouting "Nickyyyyyyyy!" This went on for about 2-3 minutes before I finally got up out of bed and went over to the window. Normally, I would just ignore this shouting, but I chose not to this time for two reasons: first, it was 1am for Christ sake and second, if this shouting is bothering me with the a.c. running, the tv on and the windows closed, then this chick must be really shouting at the top of her lungs.
I don't know what had suddenly come over me, but I was pissed off with this girl. I threw open the window and shouted: "Knock it the fuck off, you goddamn crack whore!" She had no idea where the voice had come from, but it sent her scurrying down the block like a roach when the lights come on. I slammed the window down and got back into bed.
It was only a few minutes that had passed before I heard that familiar slurred voice and the heavy pounding again.
"Nickyyyyyyyy!!!"
I guess the anger that had stirred in me the first time was anger at myself. I knew this chick banging on the neighbor's door was none other than the same skinny piece of trash that was hiding between two parked cars an hour earlier. I was kicking myself for not going up to the cops the first time and pointing her out to him.
I jumped out of bed, threw on a pair of shorts and headed downstairs. Grabbing the phone on my way out, I unlocked the front door and stepped out onto my stoop.
"I told you to knock it off!" I shouted, not really caring if I was waking up the neighbors any more than she did at this point. "If you're not out of here, I'm calling the cops."
"I need my shoe!" She shouted back, not out of anger, but more that was the only way she knew how to speak.
It was at this point I realized that she was, in fact, only wearing one tennis shoe. She turned again to the house. "Nickyyyyyyyy!!!" She started banging on the windows of the house.
"You goddamn bitch, knock it OFF!!" I yelled, dialing the phone.
"I need my shoe!"
"9-1-1, what's your emergency."
"I want to report a disturbance. I know the police were looking for this girl earlier and she's banging on the door and nearly shattering the front windows."
"The police have already been dispatched."
"Nick-YYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!"
"Thank you." I hung up the phone and stepped out into the street. I had no idea what the hell this chick was on and at this point I really didn't care. The only frightening thing that crossed my mind were the group of guys on the bikes she had stopped to talk to earlier. I quickly glanced down the street behind me and was thankful that no one was coming from that direction.
"You happy now? The cops are on the way." She looked at me and took a step closer.
"Dis my uncle's house. I need my shoooooe!"
"It's one in the morning. Do I look like I give a fuck about your shoe?"
She went on about her shoe, slurring words and spinning around to face the door, banging and calling for Nicky.
I suddenly saw two shadowed figures heading towards us from the other end of the block. I thought I should hightail it back into the house, but I only took a second to realize that they were two police officers, one male and one female.
"Here come the cops." I warned her.
"Lisa!" The female officer called out. (ahhhh...so they know this girl). "We told you not to come around here anymore tonight." They closed in casually and were still about thirty or forty yards away when "Lisa" did the funniest move that I nearly pissed my pants laughing right there in the middle of the street. She turned her skinny, tiny breasted body towards the approaching officers. With her right hand curled into a fist and pressing into her right side just above the hipbone, she bent foward, her legs straight and her back almost parallel to the street, and said in a tone of voice that reminded me of a stand-up comedian imitating a old Southern black woman: "Who you be?"
If it weren't for the fact that I was still angry at being dragged out of bed, I would've been laughing my ass off at this little crack whore's antics. As it were, the female officer, also black but with a completely opposite build, with wide hips stuffed into the navy blue regulation trousers and the lighter blue police button-down shirt trying desperately to keep her oversized breast from spilling out onto the street, said: "Whaddaya me who I be. You know who I be? I be the one who is gettin' tired of all these phone calls about you."
"I need my shoe!!!!"
(I swear, Rainman wasn't this obsessed with Jeopardy)
So this battle of the tennis shoe bounced back and forth for a few more minutes while Lisa claimed that it was her Uncle she was trying to get to come to the door.
"But you told us earlier that your uncle lived right there." The female officer said, pointing to my next door neighbor's house. They started walking towards me and my neighbor's house that stood behind me.
"Whoa." I said, forgetting completely that I was standing out in the middle of the street with nothing more than a pair of loose fitting gym shorts. "She does not live there and niether does her Uncle." The officer was about to argue the point with me, but I wasn't going to give in. By this time, I can see other neighbors peeking out from their own bedroom windows at the comossion going on down in the street. "I've been here for 8 years and for 8 years that guy over there has had people banging on his door at all hours of the day and night, including this drugged out beauty before you. You were looking for her earlier tonight and I found her crouching down between two parked cars at the end of the block. Now trust me when I tell you this, I know my nieghbors and they are not related to her. You need to do something with her. I don't care if it's taking her home or taking her around the corner and shooting her. Just take her..."
The male officer, a big black man, was shaking his head and trying not to laugh. The female officer, her hand gripping Lisa's upper arm, warned me to calm down. I hadn't been yelling. I was just alittle loud, but I assured her I was calm.
"Okay, Lisa, let's take a little ride."
As they headed off down the street towards their car parked around the corner, I kept hearing those words I had come to loathe drift across the humid night air:
"I need my shoeeeeee...."
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