The War of the Rodents ....

I have mice!!!

A few years ago, when demolition began on an old abandoned property at the end of my block to make way for several overpriced townhouses, everyone on my side of the street started to have a terrible mouse problem. I had contacted my landlord and he sent someone out right away. Of course, there wasn't a mouse to be found when he was there and he set some poison (industrial strength that they ate up like candy with no effect). The mouse problem got worse and I called the landlord again. He sent someone out a second time and he pulled out the oven, sealed up the space between the counter and the wall and explained to me that this was an old house. Without ripping apart all the of cabinets and resealing the walls, there will always be an entrance for a mouse. He set out some sort of powder under the oven and behind the dishwasher. The powder was an industrial strength ant and roach killer.

All of a sudden, the mice disappeared! No more hearing the scampering across the livingroom ceiling, no more droppings on the countertops in the kitchen, no more hearing some crunching noises coming from some dark corner. They were GONE!!!

And they stayed gone for well over a year and a half. Until last night.

I walked into the kitchen and there, on the floor just sitting there, was a tiny little mouse...just a baby. It wouldn't move (I don't think it developed the instinct to run yet). I had bare feet and wasn't prepared to do battle. I yelled at it and it took off running under the oven.

This morning, I had forgotten all about the mouse until I saw it again, darting out from behind the dishwasher, just barely running across my feet. It scared the crap out of me and I nearly spilled the fresh brewed coffee onto my hand.

This ain't happening, I told myself. Not again. I turned around and saw the mouse on the carpet chewing on a crumb. I took a sip of coffee and was surprised that my movements weren't scaring him away. I was only standing a couple feet from where he was. The last family of mice I had were more nervous than Bobcat Golthwait on crack.

Then I spotted a second one, just as small as the first, standing over by the trash can. I set down the mug of coffee and stamped my feet on the floor, trying to get them out of the way. I had to take out the garbage anyway.

I set the garbage out front and grabbed the broom from the closet. I swept the kitchen floor, being sure I got as far under the stove as I could and pulling out the fridge to get under it. I dumped the dust and crumbs into the trash and vacuumed the rug. For the moment, the mice had vanished. I know it's a stupid thought, but I figured, maybe since there's nothing on the floor now, they'll leave.

PFFFFFT! Yeah right!

I turned around and walked out of the kitchen only to catch a glimpse of one in the living room, sitting smack dab in the center of the carpet, staring back at me. As I neared it, it took off under the sofa. Then I heard a noise from the kitchen again. I grabbed the broom and hurried in, immediately spotting a hairy tiny critter hurrying along the base of the back door. Like a major leaguer pumped up on steroids, I swung the broom around and slammed it down. When I pulled it away, I thought the mouse got away, or maybe it was caught up in the bristles (which were now over my head). But then I saw it on the floor, on it's side, doing circles like Curly (a-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo). I opened the back door. My intention was to sweep it out into the back yard and let the neighborhood cats have at it. But it tried to suddenly run away again and i quickly brought the broom down on it a second time. This fucker just wouldn't die! I finally got it outside, where I swept it up into a dust pan and dumped it over the rear fence.

When I walked back into the kitchen, I saw yet another mouse running behind the fridge. I don't know if I was seeing the same 2 or 3 or if the rodent world had suddenly declared war on me and they were planning an attack, getting their instructions from Osama Bin vermin, hiding somewhere in a cupboard.

I decided to call my landlord. I stood in the dining room, facing the living room. This is pretty much how my message in his voice mail played out:

"Karl...This is Chris...I got some bad news. My little furry friends are back and they're back with a vengeance. I saw one last night, but this morning, they're all over the place...In the kitchen, in the livingroom, in the diningroom -- oh great! They're on the furniture too!! One is sitting on my couch just staring at me. Karl, I need you to call me ASAP. I don't wanna be waking up in the middle of the night with one of these damn things sitting on my pillow."

I took all the cushions off the sofa and piled them on the dining table, along with my shoes. I'm sitting here at work patiently waiting for a return call from my landlord. I didn't have his cell phone number, so I had to leave a message at his home. I probably won't hear a word from him until late tonight.

As cute as they might look I fucking HATE mice!!!! And these are just babies. I haven't a clue as to the average number a mother can pump out at once. UGH!